Intro

Starting a blog was never really on my short list of things I wanted to accomplish. I won't lie, it crossed my mind from time to time. Usually, after another friend had started one, or made an inspiring post on social media. Even after my article posted yesterday, I was still very unsure whether or not I wanted to attempt this. Ultimately, I decided I want to be able to get everything into one spot, to help others, and more importantly be honest. Honest about life, mental health, motherhood, special needs, friends, marriage, and everything in between. Everything that we as women encounter daily, and usually fail at sharing honestly. Because we are too afraid of what those around us may think.

I spent so many of my younger years attempting to conform to everyone around me. Trying to be just like them or anticipate their wants and needs so they would like me. To call me a people pleaser, is probably the understatement of a lifetime.  I still struggle with wanting everyone to like me and feel like pleasing them is the only way to make that happen. However, those thoughts are less frequent these days, and when they do show up they are no longer all-consuming and heavy. I am learning that those who like me, love me! Those who don't are just missing out.

Over the last year, my family has been through the wringer. Just when we thought we were making progress or something good was happening. Something terrible would happen, rocking our world and make us feel awful. Everything from personal issues, medical issues, job loss, major moves, etc. However, most of those seemed small compared to the never-ending opinions and judgments that got slung our way. People that felt they knew what our kids needed better than us. That my house wasn't tidy enough, or they got their iPads too much. The best part of this was that these people didn't bother to show up or help. Some didn't even have kids, let alone complex kids. Some were people we considered friends until true colors showed. But they wasted no time passing judgment on the little parts of our life that they saw.

All these things made feel so small, they broke my heart, shattered my world, and left me feeling alone. It drove me into this place, where I felt I needed to be perfect or I couldn't let anyone into my real life. I let the words of other people and their opinions define me. I took those words to heart and it made me question everything I have ever known to be true. It rocked me to my core and forever changed who I was a person.

Some of these people were "well-meaning", and I knew that. However well-meaning their intentions were, it didn't make it less hurtful. The deep-down beauty in it all is that I learned who my real friends were. The friend that would show up with a sick kit, and coffee, when both my girls got the flu. Or would drive from hours away to visit us in the hospital. They were the ones that were there for all of the good, the bad, and the ugly. They didn't run away when things got hard. These people knew real me and didn't judge. They defended me when my proverbial backbone had shattered into a million pieces and I couldn't defend myself. Picked me up, and helped rip away every lie I had allowed myself to believe.

Looking back, I can tell you I probably caused some of it. I should have never let myself believe that perfection was attainable. That other moms had this game of life figured out and I just seemed to always be a hot mess. I could have been more vulnerable with those around me, and not care what their opinions would end up being. But I didn't, I did the stereotypical put your best face forward and move along. I sugar-coated things, so people wouldn't get so scared off or feel uncomfortable. Until eventually, I shut down and quit sharing altogether.

My main goal with this blog, is to reach other moms like me. The ones who aren't perfect and don't have their sh*t together. The ones that struggle daily, because their kids are driving them crazy and they just want to run away. The ones whose marriage is struggling because of the stress and chaos of life. Or even just the ones, who are sick of the fake, unreal, picture-perfect life that we can never live up to.  I can promise one thing…this blog will be a hot mess, just like me! But I am going to be honest, drop the sugar coating, and give a solid effort to try and make a difference. Even if it ultimately helps one person not feel like I did for so long, it will all be worth it!

💓Shelby💓